After the Christmas retail rush, we have Valentine’s Day people!
The chocolates, the teddy bears, the lingerie! Argh! The constant reminders of the day when all you are trying to do just after you may have separated, is get through each day as a single parent/human trying to make things work while going through heartbreak or the complexities of separating from a crazy ex!
Valentine’s Day pre-separation wasn’t celebrated much for me/us, other than the token flowers (it was sporadic) or card. We did however try to go out on a date night if we could line up babysitters, so what I am trying to say is that, it wasn’t a big deal for us.
However, post separation it DID become a bigger deal. It seemed like a constant reminder or maybe it was the emotional place I was? Everywhere I looked it seemed like there were images everywhere reminding me of what I no longer had, my plus one or my BAE (before anyone else). The first few years post separation Valentines Day seemed like a constant reminder of what I didn’t have especially going through the emotional roller coaster of letting go someone that you had loved since you were at University (that to be explained another day!)
3 Survival Tips:
1. Setup Plans
Organise what you will be doing on the day ahead of time. For me this was setting up a special dinner with me and my kids, because of-course on Valentine’s Day my ex was BUSY! I was fine with this! Until I had met someone worthy of spending time apart from my kids, there was no one else I would rather be with. I would organise early dinner date with my kids and any single girl friends with kids to celebrate LOVE. So, get your TRIBE together and celebrate it together. For those that may not have the kids or have dived into dating then have FUN! Dating on Valentine’s Day after a long relationship with your ex maybe refreshing and exciting so it maybe a great option for most of us (at the least, it would be a great distraction!)
One year it was just me and the kids eating dinner on the trampoline (as we did on special occasions). To this day it remains one of the fondest memories for my kids!
If you are new to separation, then consider disconnecting from social media! The constant post’s about LOVE when you are going through the separation wringer may be best avoided. Be kind to yourself and do what works for YOU! If you don’t feel the need to disconnect from social media then DON’T! The point? Do what is right for YOU! Going on long beach walks always helped me disconnect. I always felt so much clearer. Trying a new activity such as a cycling class or a boxing class is always so beneficial for your physical and your soul. So try something NEW, and get out of your comfort zone, what you learn about you may help you “disconnect” a lot easier!
“And if you can't be with the one you love, honey Love the one you're with” - Stephen Stills
3. Surround yourself with LOVE
I found that surrounding myself with family or friends that loved me helped! If you have single friends in a similar place then look at supporting each other (or try connecting with others in our TRIBE!), whatever that may mean for you. Drinks, dinner at home, or getting single friends with kids together! Or if you are like me, I was happy to spend it with my little peeps just being silly! If you have no kids, perhaps another option would be to do a little self-care and love yourself enough to have a massage and just BREATHE, for YOU!
Finally, the volatile emotion you maybe feeling just after separation WILL pass and the sensitivity you may feel about Valentines Day will also get better with time, as do most things! Recalibration to MOST things post separation takes time, but once it passes the new vibe you have maybe what you were missing all along!
Disclaimer: The content of this blog is general information only and is not provided as a substitute for legal/professional advice. If you have a legal/financial/ any other issue, you should contact a lawyer and/or professional before making a decision about your options or personal situation. TheSeparationExchange.com cannot provide legal/professional advice.
My name is Anju, after going through a “surprise” separation and divorce was a rebirth which awakened me!
After a period of sadness and struggle, revealed a person who was forced to sort her shi# out and find the strength needed to raise 2 young kids without a partner!
And so, a new journey began with new dreams: www.TheSeparationExchange.com
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