Being a grown up is harder…
When you have to co-parent with your ex and try and be an adult about situations, it is some times easier said than done! However sometimes being the “better” person helps, especially when your kids are going through such a difficult time in their lives. In my own situation it was excruciating at times! One example that comes to mind just after my “Mr Ex” moved out of our home, went a little like this…
3 months after moving out, he went away to Bali with his adulterous new partner (yes, you can come to a conclusion…) “Mr Ex” calls to chat to the kids while I was snuggled in bed reading them their bedtime stories (kids were 3 and 6 at the time). He tells them that he was in Bali with a friend of his that was a girl. This left the kids both sobbing, asking why we weren’t all there with him.. So co-parenting can be excruciating especially in the early days of separation.
Here are a few things to try:
- Setup same routines for both homes as much as possible. Whether that be week night/weekend routines, bedtimes, digital device access rules, etc.
- Setup Boundaries by discussing with your partner the basics of co-parenting engagement as early as you possibly can. This will help setup a basic agreed respect by which you can both work towards. This may involve keeping your end of the bargain when drops offs/pickups are agreed and not disrespecting and antagonizing the other person by continuously being late.
- Agree on Introduction to new Partners- this can be a very confusing time for kids, especially when they maybe hoping that both their parents get back together. So agreeing on basic rules may alleviate disappointing each other and causing emotional angst to everyone involved.
- Choose your battles! After hearing many stories from members and also my own experience (as excruciating as it was) i learnt to take deep breathes BEFORE reacting, composed myself (after boxing) and THEN responded. Ofcourse i did act badly at times and still do BUT with time you learn to navigate through the process alot quicker and choose the battles worth fighting over and let go of some.
FINALLY: Remember that at one point in your life that you and “Mr/Mrs Ex” had feelings for each other and that you created a little person. So as hard as it does get, choose your battles after setting up basic rules of “disengagement” to help the little people that you both created and to make their lives a little more pleasant.
Disclaimer: The content of this blog is general information only and is not provided as a substitute for legal/professional advice. If you have a legal/financial/ any other issue, you should contact a lawyer and/or professional before making a decision about your options or personal situation. TheSeparationExchange.com cannot provide legal/professional advice.