What does a divorce coach do?

At a time when you are more stressed about money than you’ve ever been, why would you add the cost of someone called a Divorce Coach to your ever-growing list of financial obligations? You have close friends and family, what other support do you need? Surely, if you have a lawyer, a Divorce Coach is unnecessary?

These questions are all common and valid, particularly when Divorce Coaching is so new.  The short answers to those questions are; that Divorce Coaching can reduce the cost of your separation by helping you minimise conflict and be clear and concise with your lawyer (if you choose to use one).  A Coach can share knowledge, skills, experience and objectivity your friends and family are unlikely to have.  A Coach works with you far more holistically than a lawyer would.  For example, most lawyers wouldn’t spend time with you talking about self-care – nor would you want them to at their hourly rate!

Ultimately a Divorce Coach can make the process quicker and easier, less painful and expensive.  But if that all still sounds too vague, here are some tangible examples of stressful situations you may face during your separation and practical ways a Divorce Coach can help.

Common scenarios:

1.You have just recently separated, and you have no idea where to start

A Divorce Coach can provide a road map, where you may be feeling lost.  They can explain the various methods available to you for sorting out arrangements for your children and dividing your property.  They can act as a sounding board as you think through which of those options best suits your situation and provide you with referrals to professionals and/or organisations who can help further depending on what you decide.  A Coach can help you feel prepared for whichever of the methods you choose, to maximise the chances of a successful outcome.

2.You received a letter from your ex’s lawyer.  You are angry and hurt and you don’t know how to respond.

Having someone at the end of the phone when you need to talk/cry/offload, is enormously helpful.  It also helps that person is impartial and can offer you an objective view of the situation.  A coach can be there for you, to listen and to help you think through what steps to take next.  Having this kind of support can also reduce the chances of you doing something in the heat of the moment or acting in way which might not serve your long-term goals.

3. Your text and email exchanges with your ex quickly deteriorate into arguments

Fiery text and email exchanges with your ex hard to escape, but they rarely produce the outcome you want.  Worse still sometimes you can find the words you type in anger in a letter from your ex’s lawyer or attached to Court documents.  A Coach can share with you tools to communicate more effectively with your ex, both whilst in the thick of your separation and longer term, when co-parenting.  A Coach may also work with you on coping strategies for managing your emotions, so you are less inclined to be reactive if, and when you feel triggered by your ex.


4. Your first day at Court is approaching and you are feeling anxious

Each Divorce Coach brings their own unique set of skills and experience to the role.  In my case given I have work as a family lawyer for over 15 years, I am very familiar with Courts and the legal process.  That means I able to provide my clients with information about what to expect on the day, help them formulate questions for their lawyer (if they are still unsure of anything about their case) and talk with them about practical side of the day  (everything from what to wear, who to take and how to manage their emotions on the day).

5. You have an upcoming appointment with a Family Consultant, and you don’t know how to prepare

Seeing a Family Consultant is one of the most stressful aspects of being in the Court system.  In addition to helping you understand the process and what to expect, I share with my clients age appropriate resource to provide to their children to help them understand what is happening.  Coaching might also involve working through the practical aspects of the day, covering everything from preparations to make sure the day runs smoothly , to ensuring the children arrive on time, calm and happy.  A Coach can help you order your thoughts, to be able to clearly articulate them to the Consultant.  Mindset is a huge part of the whole process and in this context coaching can help to ensure you show up to the appointment in the best possible frame of mind.

ABOUT the Blogger:

My name is Prudence and my experience with divorce doesn’t come from my own separation, but through having worked for the past 15 years as a family lawyer.  Over that time I have worked with thousands of clients, and there isn’t much that I haven’t come across. 

As a Divorce Coach I support and empower women.  I have skills and knowledge to help those I work with holistically. 


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