The Early Days…
Ok, so composing yourself during the early days post-separation is HARD!
Trying to navigate through the myriad of emotions that are going through your body like an electric shock that can be triggered to be exposed without much control is a learning in itself. Only time helped me to figure it all out and learn how to regulate the emotional craziness that presented me at many, many times as a HOT MESS!
Yes, a HOT MESS, and NOT in a good way.
There were scenarios where I would cry at the mention of a word (the word changed daily depending on my mood), or be triggered into rage at the mentioned of Mr Exes’ cheating partners’ name!
To my defence, I was trying to cope with my life being uprooted from my core (my family). I was trying to cope with a cheating husband who presented oh so normal at home, which made me feel stupid for so long that I did NOT know (how could I not know?!, this is a whole new topic!). Another memory was when I called my brother screaming and ranting like a crazy woman because my Mr Ex (who was still living at home at the time) was posting photos of his new “love interest” on social media without any sensitivity to the new information he has bestowed to his family.
So yes, it has been a colourful journey however YOU do get through it.
Here are a few ideas about how NOT to be HOT MESS:
1. Social media DETOX!?
Consider limiting your access to social media and if you are brave get off it temporarily to help the healing process. This may infuriate you the early days, especially if you are still on social media with your ex. Yes, you may know that period of I hate him/I love him period where you want to know about his new life as much as you didn’t want to torture yourself. Maybe this was just a “me” feeling!?
2. Be Selfish
TRY very hard to make time just for YOU. As guilty as you may feel leaving kids or doing things for yourself try to plan in the small luxuries like getting your grey hair coloured, or having lunch with friends! This may help you feel a small hint of relief even for a moment.
3. Plan, Plan & PLAN!
Planning ahead in can be very helpful! Preparing meals ahead so that your week days are a little less chaotic during dinner time when you work full time really helped! Planning catch-up with friends really helped having something to look forward to when my Mr Ex had the kids.
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4. Find NEW things!?
Exploring new things to do and new things to learn about yourself is a great distraction to help fill in that “alone” time when the kids are not with you. I loved cooking, and invited old and new friends over for meals. Taking up a new hobby like photography, or boxing also helped! Consider doing activities and building a new circle of friends that have a similar situation to you. Support from lifelong friends was always there, however ones that knew what I was going through and the feelings of loss and betrayal was not one they were accustomed to. Finding a few that have a similar experience helped me to bounce thoughts and ideas from.
5. Arm yourself with SUPPORT
Surrounding yourself with your “TRIBE” will help diffuse the pain that maybe surfacing during this time. Setting up a inner circle of support will help during the times you need to just let it out! I found myself rotating my drama’s as they unfolded to approximately 4 people, I will forever be grateful for. They were patient and listed to the sometimes perceived “issues” to explosive rants. Sometimes the same rant on replay!
Disclaimer: The content of this blog is general information only and is not provided as a substitute for legal/professional advice. If you have a legal/financial/ any other issue, you should contact a lawyer and/or professional before making a decision about your options or personal situation. TheSeparationExchange.com cannot provide legal/professional advice.
My name is Anju, after going through a “surprise” separation and divorce was a rebirth which awakened me!
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