The News is OUT!

OK, so it is now out in the open that you are separated?

You may be feeling overwhelmed, scared, hurt, angry lonely and overwhelmed. After having been through separation myself I can say that life can be BETTER! Yes, roll your eyes and say WT#! she talking about? But let me explain.

My “situation” was VERY unexpected (as you may have read) and I felt like I was in a parallel universe, as cliché as that me seem. The stupid educated, semi career-oriented girl who stupidly loved fiercely only to be betrayed and taken for a ride. I felt so silly and used!

So fast forward 6 years and let me tell you that I lost my husband, lost my job (I was retrenched) all in the matter of 2 months. It felt like I could not get out of bed quite a few days BUT yet I made sure I used EVERY breath to actually do so and present “normal” to my very young kids.

Here are a few things I learnt that you MUST know if you are in a similar place!

5 Things you MUST know!

1.This period of your life is TEMPORARY!

The time will pass and you will look back on it as a situation that made you stronger and taught you what you are capable of handling.

2. Enjoy the time with your kids.

The time just after separation as excruciating as it was at times, allowed me to have quality time with my kids. It was a time I reflect on and feel so thankful that I had that time with them 1-1 or 1-2, before I met someone 2 years later that was worth investing my time with. I consider the 2 years I had the kids all to myself as some of the BEST memories with them: naughty dinners on the trampoline together, snuggling in my bed just the 3 of us and loads more!

3. Do not RUSH to introduce NEW partners.

The kids (if you have any) have more than enough to deal with, so allowing them time to transition into the new life you are in now will be beneficial. Prior to meeting my significant other, the time I had with just me and the kids were some of the BEST moments of my life. It was a lonely at times but the gift of memories the three of us will have was worth the lonely moments!

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“If you are brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello” – Paulo Coehlo

4. It can get LONELY!

Like me, you may have been used to the happy chaos that came with a busy 2 parent household. The constant communication about logistics and ways to handle the daily activities and family tasks were relentless. NOW, you may find weekends and week nights after the kids are in bed that gets extremely lonely. With time it does get easier and you almost enjoy the balance of time without the kids. In a normal nuclear family, it is not as freely achievable. In the separated family world, you now get FREE time (as strange and lonely as it can get when you have newly separated), I consider this benefit of separation.

I chose to remain in the same family home for the benefit of my kids, this meant going back to full time wok and having to endure seeing all the old family photos still on the wall. So, each night during the early days I waited for the kids to be asleep to then just fall into a heap look at the photos trying to make sense of things….

*A awesome member of our tribe shared this list by www.RinnyandBean.com about 50 ways to spend time alone!

5. Take the GOOD with the BAD

Let’s face it the early days post separation is quite traumatic for most of us, there are some lucky ones that get a more peaceful de-coupling. I used to feel so sad that my kids had to help out a lot more with chores at home as I was exhausted working full time and making things work daily etc from an early age, prior to the break up I used to do a lot more for them in terms of mothering. Setting the table, cleaning up after them, making their beds. Post separation and 6 years on I believe that my kids have actually turned out pretty damn well. Perhaps getting them to help more actually enabled them to be better!?

My name is Anju, after going through a “surprise” separation and divorce was a rebirth which awakened me!

After a period of sadness and struggle, revealed a person who was forced to sort her shi# out and find the strength needed to raise 2 young kids without a partner!

And so, a new journey began with new dreams: www.TheSeparationExchange.com

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