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How to Stay Happily Married…

It is unfortunate every time we hear another friend or even a family member going through a separation of divorce.

We meet, fall in love, marry and start our happy life together.

Over the years something seems to happen resulting in the couple not even wanting to be in the same room as each other. They find fault with everything, all the things they do irritates you, however, this was the same person you fell in love with. Those charming traits are now major annoyances you can no longer tolerate.

We struggle with the reason this happens. There are some tips each couple can take and apply to prevent most escalations of these annoyances. The most important thing with any couple is to remain respectful, kind and tolerant of their partner. Then of course we have this thing we all discuss called ‘communication’. It isn’t just about talking or listening, it is about understanding the reason your partner feels as they do. It is about settling the right safe environment where they can safely express their thoughts and feelings. When we each express these, it remains essential there is no blame, no fixing or no telling them they are wrong.

The Challenges we may face:

 

There are numerous reasons that couple’s relationship may become challenging over the years. The main reasons include:

  • Financial stress
  • Sexual disharmony
  • Extended family pressure
  • Work stress
  • Children
  • Personal development

Each of us change as we grow, develop and mature, due to our life experiences, the way we were raised and our expectation of self and others. While it may sound complex, it can be rather easy, once you understand the reason we each do what we do and how to make those changes necessary to remain happily connected.

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5 Simple Tips:

1. Communicate

This means to ensure you each set up a safe space for your partner to disclose and share their feelings and thoughts safely. Often, we are confronted by what they may say, however, listen, understand the reason for it, take any steps you feel are relevant and allow them to share how they feel. Often sharing can lighten our load considerably and prevent us from carrying around that weight on our shoulders as this is very wearing and tiring.

2. Don’t Expect Perfection

None of us are perfect so expecting your partner to always be perfect is unrealistic. Remember who you fell in love with, those traits remain even if you can’t see them as clearly. If there are behaviours’ that are concerning speak with your partner or a professional sooner rather than later.

3. Spend Time Together

No friends, no kids, just the two of you.

We talk about the importance of date nights, it isn’t important, it is vital. You can either go for dinner, dress-up and spend money or you can grab a blanket, pack a salad or buy fish and chips and enjoy a picnic by the beach or in a park. It doesn’t need to cost money, even a walk hand in hand while speaking with each other is magical.

 4. Take time to show APPRECIATION and LOVE

Never take your partner for granted. Always kiss hello and goodbye, always ask about their day and share something of yours. Help each other regardless of how tired you feel as they are likely exhausted as well. Comment how much you appreciate them, their meal, the clean home, being a great mum or dad and hard worker supporting the family. Recognise the effort.

 5. Be Affectionate, not always sexual

This is not grabbing or touching inappropriately when they are tired or busy. A major complaint I hear all the time is ‘he only touches me when he is after sex’. Division is created. Both partners need to show affection such as a hand hold, a hug, a shoulder or foot rub, or a gentle kiss on your partners tender lips or warm soft (face) cheek.

One of the most important things couples need to do is obtain professional Counselling help if there is a challenge in communicating. A qualified and experienced couple therapist can quickly explain the difference in the way the male and female brain operates and what each person needs to be aware of to communicate effectively to the other person.

Never speak or throw the phrase ‘I want a divorce’ as this squashes all safety and love and creates fear, insecurity and distress. Please follow the steps or get the help you need.

Dr Karen Phillip is a Counselling Psychotherapist; Clinical Hypnotherapist and the Parenting and Relationship Expert on television, radio and print media both here and overseas. She is an International Author and Key Note Speaker.

Dr Karen is one of the rare Family Futurists. With years of experience and seeing the change in family and individuals over many decades, she is now writing and speaking about the variation we can expect in the way family communicates, the type of life we can expect for our children as society changes and technology explodes. This will affect us all.

See her details in our directory.

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