How to Agree?

If you are going through a separation or divorce, you might be thinking about mediation. Mediation is a simple and straightforward process that allows you to move on quickly and easily, without having to fight everything out in the courts.

But what if your partner is not keen going down the mediation route?

Here are some tips from Ian Shann the principal mediator from Move On Mediation, on how to get your partner to agree to mediation.


1. Keep Communicating

Never stop talking to your ex. Being able to show you want to keep communicating to resolve your issues is crucial for mediation.

If you can keep the lines of communication open and as amicable as possible, you’ll have a better chance of them agreeing to try mediation.

2. Remain Calm and Approachable

Try not to get upset or angry in front of your ex. It can sometimes be easier said than done but it’s worth doing!

When you let your emotions take over, it becomes less about the situation and how to resolve it, and more about your feelings and the perception of who is right and who is wrong.

Mediation is a calm and logical way to settle issues surrounding separation and divorce, so remaining calm is key. If you can show you are happy to talk things through in a reasoned manner, your partner is more likely to agree to mediation, rather than engage in a fight in the Courts.

3. Present Mediation As An Option

Telling your partner that they have to go to mediation is not the best way to approach it.

Present mediation as an option. Then people don’t feel railroaded and are more likely to give mediation fair consideration. Never threaten your ex if they don’t do what you want. Mediation is about two people coming together to work out a fair solution for everyone involved. It’s not about getting things done your own way. Presenting mediation as an option means your ex can go away and do their research and come to a similar conclusion.

Mediation is an affordable way to work through any issues you can’t agree on when it comes to separation and divorce.

4. Ask Someone Else

Is there just no way that your ex will listen to you anymore?

If you’re still close with any of your ex’s friends or family, perhaps you could approach someone your ex may listen to. Let them know your reasons for wanting to try mediation to come to a resolution and they may agree to speak to your ex.

Your ex might be more likely to consider mediation if it comes from someone whose opinion they value and trust.

5. Start with a CALL!

Most mediators start with a call to both parties to find out more about their situation and their approach to mediation.

A mediator is not there to be on anyone’s side. If you approach a mediator for help, they are not going to be on your side over your ex’s. They are trying to find a solution everyone can live with.

The mediator can explain this in a phone call, along with how they work, and some reasons why your ex should think about mediating rather than using lawyers and going through the Family Courts.

6. Be Fair!

Remain open-minded about the potential outcomes from mediation. Know that you probably won’t get absolutely everything that you want.

Mediation is about being fair and all parties involved need to understand this.

By all means make a list of your priorities but be prepared for some give and take when it comes to making decisions in mediation.

ABOUT the Blogger:

Ian Shann is the principal mediator and director of Move On in WA.

Ian’s commitment is simple – to help keep separated couples out of the Family Court and minimise their need for lawyers, saving them time, money and anguish. Under Ian’s guidance, separated couples are able to Move On with their lives through family mediation. Ian became a practicing family lawyer in 1991.

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